Pappa wants mamma naked
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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