I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
