i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
