I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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