How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
