I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
