Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
