i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
