Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
