my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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