i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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