dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
this just has baby written all over it
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
