areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
