there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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