weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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