I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
