If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
