I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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