Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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