Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Everything about him screamed your future.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Randomize
