Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
