And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
