drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
