You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
there is glitter all over my balls
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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