I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
now i know why i became what i already was.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
