I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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