I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
