you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
