this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
