Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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