I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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