When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
