Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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