She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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