R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
