Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
