And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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