i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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