ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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