Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
