I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
