i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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