Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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