This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
