just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
