Pants 0. Shit 1.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
