well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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