so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
