there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
