The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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