No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
