If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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